Posted by: Food Lover | January 25, 2012

Wall Of Shame: Devil’s Nectar

Devil’s Nectar

I stumbled into Cafe Neon on a bad day. It had been a late night of insomnia, awakened after only two hours of sleep with pressing engagements in the early morning. A zombie, I stumbled forth carrying my body like dead weight; but it wasn’t “brains” I was chanting. Instead “Caffeine” repeatedly rolled off my slurring tongue.

This neighbourhood hang is loved by some in Toronto’s Junction Triangle for its good coffee, free wifi and accessible power outlets. Others loath it for overpriced sandwiches and coffee, feeling the neighborhood offers too many other good options.

I just wanted caffeine, and it was there. I scanned the menu through foggy eyes, searching for the one thing that would pack the most punch.

And there it was. Shimmering like the Holy Grail with a chorus of angels breaking through my cobwebbed mind: Devil’s Nectar. Two espresso shots poured over coke. I eagerly ordered this concoction and knew I was in for a ride when the barrista looked at me with a slight start: “It’ll cure whatever ails ya,” she chirped.

The Devil’s a tricksy one; he teases you with the one thing you want, the one thing you think you need. “Sign here,” he urges with a laid back, sly grin. As soon as you’re roped in, the lamb suit is peeled away, golden gifts tarnishing and crumbling into rust before your very eyes and out comes the velociraptor!

I knew something bad was going to happen when I watched this potion being made. They had the two shots in the glass, and as they poured in the can of coke it foamed like a witches brew, spilling over the cup.

So, you ask: Did I drink it?

Oh yes, I drank it. The whole time hearing Mick Jagger’s voice in my ear: “Pleased to meet you. Hope you guess my name.”

What did it taste like? Well, it tasted like half-flattened coke with a lot of espresso in it. To be more exact: like battery acid, but with the syrupy thickness of the devil’s drawl and his signature rotting sweetness. The barrista was right – this would kill anything in my stomach. Hell, I am quite sure that I could feel my own bile retract and cells shriveling and dying from the acidic content filling my stomach.

Did I finish it? You bet I did.

The caffeine rush was EPIC. I whirled around like a hummingbird, distractedly bouncing from one task to the next, never quite finishing anything, talking so fast words blended, starting new sentences mid-sentence.

Everyone, please be kind enough to welcome the Devil to our Wall of Shame. I’m not sure that confession will make me clean after this one, so I think I’ll just take the Eucharist and let good and evil battle it out in my gut.

Cafe Neon
241 Wallace Ave

Cafe Neon on Urbanspoon

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